Simon And Garfunkel: Lyric Theatre: Lyrics are handy in certain situations.

The world of music is like a lyric theatre. From the 12 days of Christmas lyrics to The Pogue's, Fairytale of New York lyrics, you then think of the lyrics to Delilah, which everyone knows, and you wonder why you managed to remember so many!

And they also come in handy as you know. Your favourite lyrics can come in handy at many given moments and as you quote them, can really change situations. 

And then I hear you say, how Tiggy, what are you on about?

Well, let me take you back to the 80s and to my school days in Buckinghamshire. I was lucky enough to go to what some might say was a progressive school. We attended a school that others might say has had a lot of interesting things happen that end up in the national press.

 And they would be right!

In my day though, my secondary school was out there. No, it wasn’t just out there on the cutting edge. We were, what some might consider, orbital…

We had English lessons outside, parquet flooring and Persian rugs and more freedom than most students put together to express our aching teenage selves.

Some of us took it all a bit too seriously.

And that is when my friend and I came up with an idea. You see, at our school, the English Department was renowned for being Buckinghamshire's answer to the Royal Shakespeare Company.

Indeed, when we had finished our coffee and were well rested, we would debate the books on our reading list as if we were the Spanish Inquisition. And this spilled over into the playground.

So, my friend and I were probably the only two kids who were pulled aside for quoting Simon and Garfinkel lyrics at people. Yes, it's true.                                   More myself than my friend though.

When some smart Alex would try and belittle us or get into a conversation they obviously were winning, and we could not bear the deprivation of losing, we could come back with lines such as

“ Don’t you try and debate me…….(dramatic pause)…you don’t know where your interests lie”. We would stand there feeling suave and sophisticated, our hands in our black duffle coat pockets, waiting for the response. The result would be astonishment.

And off we would trot in our brogues and woolly tights to the next battle of words.

When I was caught out by a highly intellectual fifteen-year-old in an English debate and the discussion had gone beyond heavy (The content of debates would put the House of Lords or a TUC conference to shame) I  abruptly stood up and announced confidently.

“And a walk in the garden wares me down, walking in the tangles vines, picking up the punchlines, I’ve just been faking it”, as I glanced around the room seriously and then excused myself to the little ladies' room. The Sound of Silence was breathtaking as I dramatically made my exit.

When I returned, our teacher asked if I was okay and made me a strong cup of black coffee. (No, she did not offer me a French cigarette and put a Lloyd Cole Album on).  I told her I felt like I was “ just faking it, not really making it “.

And that’s where it all came undone. You see, my beloved young English teacher was a Bob Dylan fanatic ( she had a wonderful poster of him underneath the giant rainbow above the blackboard) but also well-versed in all lyrics…which slightly unnerved me.

I can only imagine the debate in the English department about how to handle my fragile quest for superior lines, but then I realized something else. They would probably have to hold a meeting and vote. Solidarity and being fair sat at the heart of our school's comradery. And the best bits for this week's Guardian were pinned to the wall. Gosh, what would happen?

In the end, the head of English took me to one side, and with a silent glint of admiration in his eye, he told me to stop quoting Simon and Garfunkel's lyrics at people. It was clever, but where was my inner voice?

School days eh…

All content apart from quoted lyrics © Sonya Lawrence/Vukomanovic 2023.